“I Don’t Like How I Look Too.”

How should I start this? Oh my~ … Still digesting the fact that there are over 3,000 comments, commenting about my look…

Here’s what happened, I posted a video on Douyin, just like how I usually share my content on IG, FB. Few days later, I open the APP again wanting to scroll through some content. It came to my surprise that there are more than hundreds notification! At first I thought it was a bug in the APP, until I noticed those comments. I have to say, it’s…unbelievable! Mostly commented on my high-cheekbone, my lips, my mouth, my teeth, my features, how ugly I look, ask me go get plastic surgery, said that my look disgusted them, said I should wear a mask to cover up my face forever, some even said that I’m a guy disguised as a woman etc. Words that are not so friendly overwhelmed me.

First thought came to my mind, “Is this happening to me??” Seriously?! I’ve been in this social media industry for so long, this thing of having people commenting about you/your content is not something new to me. Yet, never ever in my life I would think that this would happen to me!!

When I shared this on IGS, a lot of you came DM/call. Really appreciate all the encouraging words and support! I feel so loved!!

To be honest, I won’t say that I’m 100% not affected by it, I’m not saint. I felt…discouraged for a moment, and even have the urge to reply to those comments to fight back, but I didn’t. As I went through those comments, I actually find ‘em sort of funny. They are strangers, they don’t know me, yet they are taking the ‘effort’ to comment about me just through a 20 secs video.

There are several comments ‘suggesting’ me to get plastic surgery, and people start replying, discussing what kind of surgery will ‘fix’ my face, how much does it cost, the risk etc. Woah~ What a pleasure that my face could get you guys to start a ‘pro-medical’ conversation like this.

And there’s this comment that gets me laughing hard, it said that if I want to be an Influencer, I should really get my nose & lip fix. Hmm… First of all, I didn’t want to be an Influencer, it’s your comment that makes me ‘famous’ now. I really don’t get it, if you really don’t like me, why follow & like?

ANYWAYS!! After calmed down, I had this thought that I want to make use of this very rare experience. So here we are!

I’m not sure how many of you been through or currently facing something similar. People saying not so nice things about you, be it your physical appearance or any other things, and you find it hard to not care about those words, and it affects you to feel less confident about yourself.

To be very real, I don’t like how I look too! I don't take side-way photos (if I have a choice), because I know I don’t look pretty that way. I’ve thought of plastic surgery while I’m still in primary. Today, seeing comments like “You have beautiful eyes, if only you ‘fix’ your other features, you would look gorgeous!” can be kind of tempting though. Who doesn’t want to look prettier? At least I do!

Since young, because of my unique features, I got teased by people around me, often! Weird nicknames to make fun of how I look. Hence, growing up, I went through a very long season of self-doubt and low-confidence. I asked God, why He made me look different from other people, why does my cheekbones look like this? Bible verses like: “You are fearfully and wonderfully made.” seems literally a joke to me at that time.

There are no ‘instant moment’ where you suddenly realized that you don’t need to care about what other people say. There is also no such thing like 'instant boost of confidence'. I’m not who I am today overnight. It takes time.

I won’t tell you to ignore everything that others said, instead learn how to filter out constructive & toxic comments. Some comments might be helpful for you to be a better version of yourself. Figure out what are the factor that makes you unconfident, and don’t stay that way forever, change & improve!

A personal experience of mine, I was never satisfied about my body size and it causes me to be really unconfident about myself. So I took action, I change my diet and start working out. C’mon! Phrases like ‘embrace your body’, ‘every figure is beautiful’, are kind of useless actually. Cause if there is a chance to be better, then why not?

However, here’s the thing, there is a difference between: “I diet because I’m not satisfy with my body weight.” and “I diet because someone calls me fat.” I did it for MYSELF, not for others. I enjoy the process and celebrate the result although I still haven’t reach my ideal body size. I literally feel good when I look into the mirror. I took action, and I’m comfortable in who I am, hence that confidence would slowly show. All these happen because I did it for MYSELF!

Comfortable is the keyword I would say. Be comfortable in the way you look, feel, think, express. I would encourage you to look for that state that makes you comfortable, no matter being alone, with friends, at work or with strangers. Like, I can’t change the fact that my face looks like this (and I’m not going to), so I take photos with my best angle, that state where I feel most comfortable.

Confidence doesn’t appear because you are perfect; Confidence is when you are fully comfortable with yourself.

Truly, all creation is fearfully and wonderfully made by God. To gain that ultimate confidence, is to fully understand and acknowledge this phrase. But, let’s keep this ‘identity’ topic for another time ;)

I want to let you know that, this “Tricia” that looks like she has ultimate confidence level today, used to be very, very self-abased. If I can overcome that and be in love with myself now, you can too. Don’t let the comments of other people defeat you, don’t let you defeat you!

Loves.